


Supernatural S

by PrinnPrick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Croatoan, Episode: s02e05 Duane Barry, Funny, Humor, Nurse Pam, Other, Silly, how many ways do i have to say do not take this seriously, very early on in the series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 04:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinnPrick/pseuds/PrinnPrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when me and my brother get bored while watching the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supernatural S

CROATOAN – DEAN AND SAM – SUPERNATURAL

Sam: Man, I'm pretty.

Dean: Sam, you're thinking out loud again.

Sam: Oh, sorry.

Dean: Shut up! You're making it worse!

Sam: Sorry!

Dean: We should talk over here. -takes one step left-

Sam: Good idea. No one can hear us from there.

Dean: Blah blah Shriner convention this comment is sassy blah blah.

Sam: I couldn't hurt a child blah blah blah.

Dean: Not a child- an it!

Doctor: Who are you guys and why did you kill this one guy I knew?

Dean: We would have killed the son too if Sam wasn't such a PUSSY.

Doctor: Excuse me?

Sam: Phones are down.

Dean: I'm leaving. You better kill some people before I get back, Sam. If there aren't dead bodies everywhere I'mma be real disappointed in you.

-drives for a while. Sees a car-

Car: WTF.

\------------

Dean: -picks up bloody knife near bloody car- I could kill so many people with this knife.

-

Sam: -to doctor with thoughtful face- You think it's true that if you eat their hearts you gain their courage?

-

Dean: Well, you are a hansom devil, but I don't swing that way.   
Croatoan Infected: Don't lie to yourself, Dean. I watch the show- I know what's going on.

-

Sam: -after smacking the infected mother- Oh no! She's not dead yet! Dean is gonna be pissed!

-

Sam: -to nurse Pam as she tries to leave- Wait. I know you're upset, but I'm very pretty. I'm sure more than your boyfriend. -gives her his "it's obvious" look- Don't you know who I am? I'm gorgeous.

-

Nurse Pam: You can't kill her like an animal!

Dean: -to the nurse as they're considering killing the infected mother- Watch me, bitch. 

Sam: Dean, language!

-

Dean: -about to kill the infected mother- We are gonna put soooo many bullets in this lady.

.

Dean: -kills infected mother- No fucks given. If it turns out she wasn't infected, we can always blame Sam.

-

Nurse Pam: We can't stay here!

Sam: She has a point. We gotta get out of here, Dean. Go to a roadhouse- get a steak. I'm starving, Dean.

-

Black Guy: Unless you've got explosives, we're fucked.

Sam: When do we not have explosives?

Dean: Or Sam can always cook some up. Someone's in the kitchen with Sam- and they better be dead when I get in there!

-

Dean: -grabs Duane and turns to Doc- Give him a good once over, will you? If you don't, I will.

-

Duane: Has anyone seen my mom and dad?

Dean and Sam: -whistle innocently-

-

Dean: Get some rope and tie him down.

Duane: Look, I've seen the show, but don't you think this is a bit too kinky?

Sam: I know where this is going.

-

Sam: you can't just keep killing people!

Dean: I don't listen to people who don't murder other people.

-

Duane: I swear it's not in me!

Dean: I've got no choice. And by no choice I just mean I really wanna shoot you. I mean, sure, we could wait three hours... but waiting means I don't get to use my gun.

-

Doctor: It's been over four hours. His blood is still clean. I don't think he's infected. I'd like to untie him now if you're done with your sex games.

Dean: I don't -

Doctor: Stop it, Dean. I watch the show.

-

Nurse Pam: -before she attacks and reveals she's infected- I've been waiting to get you alone.

Sam: Well, I am gorgeous.

-

Dean: -after Sam gets the virus- I have to put you down like a rabid dog now, I'm sorry.

Sam: B-But Dean... I'm gorgeous!

-

Duane: You were gonna kill me!

Dean: Shut up, Duane. No one cares if you die! You're not a main character! Duuuuaaannne. Stupid name, Duane.

-

Dean: We ride together or we die together, Sam!

Sam: But I hate the way you drive.

Dean: We're not just brothers... We're homies!

Sam: … Please never say "Homie" again.

-

Dean: Sam, you can't even kill a random pedestrian, how can you possibly kill yourself?

-

Dean: -near the end- I could have killed so many more people before this thing was through... What a waste of time!

-

Sam: Tell me what dad told you.

Dean: No.

Sam: Tell me or I'll keep asking.

Dean: No.

Sam: Dean, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. Tell me. I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you.

Dean: Fine. Dad said you're a pussy and look like a girl and I'm the favorite. Happy?

Sam: -all sad- No...

\----

Summary: In this chapter, a bunch of people get infected and have to die, but Sam won't kill anybody so Dean has to do all the work.

Also, apparently Sam is gorgeous.

The End.


End file.
